Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Sanctity of Marriage

Once upon a time, way before K&J got hitched, K called me from a business trip where she found out that one of the people she worked with was cheating on his wife with another person they worked with. She called me in a state of drunken shock, telling me about how she is saddened by how no one values the "shhhcannnctiiity of maaariage aaanyymore." She was right. No one does.

I'm really lucky that my parents are still together and are still all mushy mushy. Most of my friends' parents are still together also, which is surprising but also really comforting in a way. I don't think that having parents who stay together is an automatic ticket to a long and happy marriage, but it's a benefit that not many people can claim. I get to see my parents happy, together, and I haven't been through the trauma of divorce. I don't know what that would be like, and I don't pretend to. All I know is that I want what they have and I hope to find it. (Soon would be nice.)

In my opinion, this is my blog after all, your focus should always be on the one you love, not the declaration of that love to everyone else. If you feel the need to proclaim your love to the world (via social media is the worst!) then you're overcompensating for something amiss. Pay attention to your relationship, the actual one, and not some sugary happy version you posted on the interweb. They made this site for a reason, y'all. I know of a few people who could probably be submitted.

However unlucky I've been in love thus far only shows me that I had to wade through rough waters to learn some lessons so I'm ready for my lobster. Lesson 1: If he's selfish now, he always will be. Lesson 2: If he likes to be un-sober, that won't change. Lesson 3: People aren't always what they seem. Red flags exist for a reason. Lesson 4: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

It still surprises me when I hear about a couple who I know that is getting a divorce. It's really sad. People have a tendency to give up easily, or if they try and make it work, one tries harder than the other, which inevitably causes resentment. In bad cases, people really don't value the sanctity of marriage (or any relationship) and they cheat, causing all kinds of chaos. When they bring children into the world, the story should change, but it rarely does. It only gets worse. As much as I believe in karma, and actually hope it rears its ugly head more often than I see it, I wouldn't wish the pain of divorce on anyone, especially not a child. I can only hope that people can come back to more traditional ideals, the ones that value relationships and being true to your partner. The kind of adoration and admiration that can only come from quiet respect and deep love.

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