Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Blog Topics

I want it on record that there are certain things you shouldn't blog about, unless you happen to be an expert in the field of your topic, aka doctor, nurse, biologist, researcher, police officer, etc.

One would be your child's birth. I know that it's awesome and miraculous and all that. Your feelings about it are ok, welcome even, but your description of what the placenta looked like or what crap was on your slimy baby when it first popped out or the unexpected things that happened to you should be off limits. Maybe I say this because I have yet to have a kid and I don't truly know how awesome and incredible it is. But honestly, no one really needs to know the intimate details about that life event. They don't. If they wanted to, they'd look it up on or ask their mom or doctor. If you blog about it, I'll never look at you the same way again. Some things need to be left as a surprise.

Another would be your period. No one needs to chat about it like we're talking about what you're going to eat for dinner. As women, we all know how annoying it is, how it always comes at the most inopportune time, and how it's usually accompanied by pain, discomfort, anger and tears. We know that without this monthly fun time, we can't have babies. That doesn't make it some amazing topic that you need to tell me about. I already know, and no, most chicks don't think it's a blessing or a miracle. At this point, you'd think I was used to it, but without fail, every month, I'm annoyed, disappointed, and frustrated by its presence. Did I just blog about my feelings on that topic? Sorry.

Yet another is writing about any toilet duties. Bloggers are mostly adults, and other adults don't really need to know much about that topic. We already do - we've been doing it for a long time, and we know how it works. That's enough for me. The occasional fart or burp joke is, of course, funny.

In general, bloggers shouldn't write about things they know nothing about but act like they do. The flip side of this is if you're funny. I don't care what you write about as long as you entertain me for the 5 minutes I'm on your blog. Granted, it's not my place to tell anyone what to write about, but there sure are some topics that I don't like to think about, let alone read about in someone else's blog. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but ok, I am. Don't. Please. The blogsphere will be eternally grateful if you'd keep the bodily function topics to a minimum.

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