I have this great friend named George. He's been my friend for almost 6 years, and he's been there for me through thick and thin. Our relationship started out a little rocky, but he has forgiven me for being reckless and for mistreating him. I'm sorry to say that George is no longer with me.
George is a sympathy plant - I think - and he's supposed to grow those white flowers but he hasn't. Ever. I bought him at IKEA way back in 2003, when I got my first apartment in the city by myself. His long, dark green leaves enticed me as I walked by, as did his $5.99 price tag. I picked up him, I chose him out of all of those other plants at IKEA, and put him in my cart. I hadn't owned a houseplant before this, and I could tell that this was going to be an exciting new adventure for both of us. As I reached over to take him from the checker lady, I hit the bottom of his pot and he flew through the air like Kerry Strug (shout out to Wenis) and landed on the cement floor with a crash. His dirt spilled everywhere and I scrambled to brush it back into the pot and be on my way. The checker lady asked if I wanted to replace him, but you know how huge IKEA is, that's not a quick exchange. I said, no, that's ok, he'll be fine, and George and I went home.
Life has been great for the past almost 6 years - George can go many many many days without water, and if I forget and he looks sad and yellowy, I throw some water in there and within a couple of hours, his leaves are raised to the sky in a welcoming fan of happiness. I haven't been home much at all for the past 4 months, so George has gotten much less attention than he's used to. And, I'm sorry to say it, I went too far. I forgot to water George for WAY too long, and I don't think he'll ever be coming back to me. If anyone out there is a sympathy plant whisperer, I need your services pronto. If not, then there will be a moment of silence for George at 7:01pm tomorrow night.
I'll have to go and find a George the Second soon...wish me luck on my next long term relationship.
6 comments:
Can I call your new George Deuce? Because I really want to.
Yes, please. I needed a name for the new guy. IF there is a new guy. I'll feel horrible if the next one only has a 6-year life span.
Sorry to hear about George. I have a plant on my desk that is looking very similar to that. hmmmm. I better save it now!
Save him! Save him! Don't let him follow George's fate...
Poor George! This is a very sad post. But I find myself still laughing at your funny antics. My name suggestions for the new green in your life:
Hank
Johnny O'Havenohands
Mr. Uberschnauzer
Hal
Gerard (this is for a gay plant only)
Sven
Orion (HA)
My next plant (if I could even do that to a poor living thing) will be named......drum roll please....
Hal George the Deuce
Thank you for your suggestions. Now I need a new plant. Just a thought...what if it's a girl plant? Hmmmmm.
Post a Comment